Making the Move
Continue straight then take the second exit at the roundabout. Siri’s voice blasts over my “Jamz” Spotify playlist as I make my way down Leucadia Boulevard. I can feel my heart pounding and my palms starting to sweat as I grip the steering wheel, taking the second exit out of the roundabout toward what is about to become my new life. Thoughts of regret race through my mind. What am I doing here? What was I thinking? I come around the corner and catch my breath. The street is lined with palm trees and the ocean sits perched on the horizon, rising and falling with a rhythmic ease against a beach of pebbles and golden sand. A distinct line separates the water from a sky filled with different shades of oranges, golds, reds, and pinks, stretching as far as I can see. The light dances on the seawater and for a moment my mind drifts far away from the nerve-stricken body that sits in the driver’s seat of my red Subaru Outback. Far away from my doubt, and regret, and inability to comprehend what lies in front of me. A new life. I hear a car horn blasting from behind me. Shaking my head, I gas my car and swerve out of the roundabout.
A week ago I decided to move. Where? I’m still not really sure. A small beach town in San Diego called Encinitas. I’d never heard of it until about a month ago and had only been down South to San Diego once before. I didn’t have family here, or friends, or even a job… yet. A rash decision? Yes, but, also quite possibly the best decision I’ve made in my life.
Yesterday I packed my entire life into my car and this morning I drove to my new house in my new town all by myself. Big kid stuff, I know.
I begin to regret taking on the trip alone as I lug a mattress three times my weight up the steps to the front door. Hours of sweat and a few shameless tears later, I finish unloading the car. Exhausted, I plop down on the living room floor and turn over onto my back. I stare up at the textured white ceiling, it’s much higher than I'd imagined. Now what? I have no idea where I am and have had zero interaction with another human being besides the guy that flipped me off in my car when I stalled in the roundabout earlier. I don’t know a single person.
So how did I do it? How did I make it work? How did I create an incredible life out of nothing during a time when meeting people, socializing, and exploring new areas were all practically illegal activities? How do you navigate moving to a new place with zero friends… during a pandemic? Let me tell you.
Go DO shit… on your own
One thing I’m really good at is doing stuff by myself. It’s something I feel I've always been good at. I’ve never really needed a buddy to go hiking with, to drive to the resort and ski with, to get coffee with, to go on a walk with… I’ve always been pretty content doing these things on my own. Learn to be OK with doing fun stuff by yourself. When you’re alone in a new place, it can be easy to become a hermit in your little cave of a house. Avoid that. Just because you don’t have anyone to do fun shit with doesn’t mean you can’t do fun shit! Go explore on your own, go get some dank food on your own, go sit and watch the sunset in your car by yourself and blast This is The Life by Miley Cyrus and sing at the top of your lungs. Don’t get me wrong, of course it's great to have a companion but, more often than not, having someone to go do things with all the time isn’t the reality most of us live in. However, I can say that by doing shit on my own, in a new place without any friends, I’ve met some pretty cool people. The other day I went to the lookout above Swami’s beach to write…
I set my coffee and my backpack down and take a seat on the bench overlooking the break at Swami’s beach. Waves are good today, 6ft and over. People are lined up at the edge of the fence overlooking the water. Young surfers checking the waves, old men stretched out on the benches, a cup of coffee in one hand, a pair of binoculars or a book in the other. A woman sits alone to my right. She sits cross-legged, perched like a small bird on the cold stone bench, her back is straight and her eyes are closed. I wish I knew what she was thinking about.
A lot of odd people live in their vans above Swami’s. Mostly washed-up surfers in their late 60’s who never let go of the nomad life that’s really only socially acceptable for young and career confused men in their 20s. But they’re fun to watch. They laugh and point at the waves and make conversation with almost every person that walks past them.
“What’re you writing?” I hear a sharp voice coming from my left.
I look up to see one of the old man wave watchers staring at me. Confused and suddenly unsure of how to participate in simple conversation, I stammer,
“H-Hi, what?”
“What’re you writing”? He asks again.
“Nothing really” I respond looking down at my notebook, “just doing some journaling.”
“Ahhh, journaling!” He exclaims. “I used to journal, back when I used to fish up in Alaska, journaled every morning. I was out lookin for the world's best hot spring. Never found it though.”
Turns out, this man had a whole lot to say about his trips to Alaska… and his herb supplement business.... and his horses… and what he thought I should do for a career. Old man wave watcher took this small opportunity for a quick comment and turned it into an hour-long conversation. I wouldn’t call this man my friend, he’s hardly an acquaintance. In fact, I’m 99% sure I’ll never see the guy again. However, he did provide me with some superb storytelling, advice, and well, social interaction. Do shit on your own, talk to people on your own, learn stories and tell your stories. That’s the stuff that gives your day purpose, that gives you something to do and makes you feel, if only for a brief period of time, so much less alone.
Prioritize your living situation
Roommates are EVERYTHING. Especially in covid times. I’ve had roommates for the past five years, each one playing a huge role in my social life. Their social circle becomes yours and vice versa. You get ready together, you go out together, you make breakfast together, you walk to the farmers market together, you tan on the beach together, you’re almost always together. At least that’s how it should be right? In a perfect world? I know, I know, having roommates who double as friends isn't always the case. Trust me, I have my own stories to tell on that front. This is why you have to prioritize finding compatible, friendly, and open-minded roommates when moving to a new place. How did I do it? I busted my butt for weeks. I joined about five different Facebook pages for young people moving to San Diego and I was picky with who I chose to talk to. I looked for people with similar interests and lifestyles and facetimed with girls to see if we could be a good fit. I couldn’t have asked for a better situation than the one I've found myself in today, cooped up in the cutest beach condo with 3 rad girls who are always down to surf, hike, make cocktails, and lend a helping hand in times of need. It took time and effort but we made it happen.
“Coming!” I yell as I hoist my board on top of my head, swaying from one foot to the other for a moment before I find my balance. A towel over one shoulder and my bag on the other, I scamper down the driveway towards my roommates.
“Yasss queen” yells Tierney as I hobble down the hill.
Boards on heads, three blondes in bikinis make the descent from their house down to the beach. We stop along the way at the liquor store for drinks and some playful banter with Tony the store owner. Down on the beach we drop our stuff, lay out our towels, and plop down on the sand. I crack open a beer and take a long slow sip. Drinking a cold alcoholic beverage in this heat feels like the greatest luxury on earth. I press the cool can against my face and breath in the salty aroma of the ocean. As I look around me, at the light scattering across the tips of the waves and the warm sand beneath my feet and these two girls who somehow made their way into my life and me into theirs, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sensation of gratitude. Gratitude for the way life always seems to work itself out for the best. Gratitude for these two ladies, and many others to come, that have and will continue to make my experience in this new place sensational.
To sum it up, be BOLD and be BRAVE. Get out of your comfort zone and explore this new place that has so much to offer if you put in the effort. Be proactive. You can't sit around in your room all day wishing you had friends or an adventure to go on, you have to make that happen for yourself. So be creative and don't take life so seriously, be in the present and remember that this life has the potential to be thrilling and full of surprises and unforgettable journeys and moments that take your breath away. It's up to you to create that.